This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
