i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
