Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
