I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
