puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
