morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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