i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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