I just saw a hot homeless man
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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