i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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