i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
