Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
