It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
