I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
