Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
