Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
