I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Enjoy the penises
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize