I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
