wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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