Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
