Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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