Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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