her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
