I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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