i already hear my dad disowning me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
