When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
