I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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