oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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