My friends, they love my intelligence
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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