Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
