Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That accounts for only three of the penises
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
