sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
