oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize