So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
