He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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