A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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