My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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