Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
