i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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