I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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