Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
