never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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