She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
