Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
