I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so explain again why im purple
no
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
