Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
