I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
