What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
