If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
