This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
