Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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