i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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