This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize