you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
