Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
