I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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