I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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