I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
