I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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