People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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