how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i think i just lost a toe
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