He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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