I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
