He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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