U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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