glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
