For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
