the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
