currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found your dick twin last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
